A hoard of zombies recently attacked the offices of Leicester City Council.
Thanks to a recent freedom of information request, zombies had fortunately discovered that Leicester City Council would have been unprepared for an attack by their group.
In the space of 8 days, quick-thinking zombies like James Dixon and Ed Thurlow used social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter to disjointedly mobilize other zombies into an attack on the Council.
The news of a zombie attack was so terrifying for the living that everyone was talking about it. The story was a most-read article on national news networks and was putting #Leicester on the map on Twitter. The chance for the destruction of the council just seemed too tempting for the zombies.
8 days later and as the zombie attack was scheduled to begin at noon, a few turned up early at Leicester’s clock tower to receive free t-shirts from an online games company – Miniclip.com. It is unknown at this time as to whether the t-shirts were torn to shreds by design before they were handed out, or whether the zombies tore them up themselves in a frenzy.
The zombies then proceeded to spruce themselves up a little, spraying and dripping a little more blood here and there looking very shiny. Several zombies went around providing a free blood and cuts service.
A 10-second countdown signalled the start of the crawl from the Clock Tower to the offices of the City Council.
As the zombies had been sprucing themselves up for quite a while, a curious crowd of the living had gathered and ringed around the moaning and groaning group. The zombies had to break free from their human spectators in order to move away from the tower.
Some spectators looked on in distain, mumbling that the whole thing better be ‘for something,’ others looked on in mild amusement. Spectators about the same age of the young undead stared on in wide-eyed in amazement at the procession. It looked as if their eyes were ready to pop-out – which would have been fine as they could have then joined in.
Despite the aggressive reputation of the Zombies, not one Police Officer was seen in attendance. Maybe this was an omen for the rest of the procession and attack?
There was a spattering of collateral damage along the route. The zombies took particular exception to a ‘living statue’ which was promptly mobbed and a person with a megaphone shouting about impending strikes on the 30th June was heckled.
It is a well-known fact that most employers discriminate against the employment of zombies, making it difficult for the zombies themselves to care about the employed.
The zombies had to pass through the Town Hall square on the way to the council offices. In Leicester, the registry office is located with the Town Hall and there was a wedding party having their pictures taken. Some of the zombies wanted to go photo bombing, but some of the more sensible zombies persuaded them it would be a bad idea.
On arrival at the council offices, the zombies crawled up the stairs to the entrance for the Customer Service Centre and pawed at the windows. They couldn’t get in so they crawled back down the stairs towards the photographers.
Quite a few zombie families were in attendance but most of the zombies appeared to have joined the undead just after becoming old enough to drink alcohol. This didn’t stop the teenage undead wanting to relive drunken memories, so local pub was then attacked by the zombies.